Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Still Breathing

Have not written in quite awhile.  Working through soul matters and making life changes, from within.  Plus, the heat and drought have kept the body busy with hooking up soaker hoses, switching rotations so that the gardens can be kept alive as best as possible.  

Some Eastern European conifers could not cope with the above ground heat, so there have been losses.  However, the heat has not been like the past four years, ever before, and who would know that the climate would shift in summer here?

We take what we get.  Some interests and passions have great risks while others do not.  Even the spiritual life, the passion for God, has its risks in temporal effects, that is for sure.  St. Paul says something about that in his epistles.  But the main change within to without is that of removing myself from negativity, as much as is possible.  Removing from unnecessary abuse and rudeness is possible in many regards.

Someone wrote he or she did not comprehend the spiritual state during Mass, and that is not unusual, as my spiritual director has asked me, at least six out of the twelve months we've met, to describe it.  So it has been described, explained, and insights shared from it.  Dr. H. probably got it the closest: in our time, people, especially maybe Catholics in many ways, are less spiritual than 100 years ago.  He reminded me that many if not most are there on Sunday out of obligation, glancing at their watches and minds far away on other matters.

Have faced self, directly, firmly, and admit why I've made time-cost expenditures: when, for what, and mostly for naught.  It has to do with the rudeness, rejections, the disallowing, the ill treatment.  Then would relieve the pain by purchasing "beauty" to plant, or buy another book, or be in bed ill with pain and upset. 'Twas the reaction and effect of negativity, purveying for the past 16 years.  

Even though the devil is behind it--behind the people and situations--the devil is also behind my reactions.  No more purchases as reaction to abuse and negativity.  Am removing myself from negativity other than weekly obligation, and living more and more the hermit life of historic tradition.  Closeness to God is for the asking, and the remaining in His Love.  

Have had amazing and deep insights regarding why the ecstasies happen from Mass beginning through postlude music, and yet have shared little.  One priest was not interested in even listening a few minutes; another did not respond when sent insights via email.  A couple friends listened.  Another who runs RCIA and many other parish tasks said her life is fulfilled with Mass weekly and confession yearly, and this did not affect her being a leader in spiritual matters of the parish.  Okay.

Then another priest did grasp, and yet is working on the mind being opened, the spirit encompassing the fullness of the insights and the entirety of His Real Presence, not His Real Presence being fragmented.  Well, there is much that I've written on these matters, but not here, and will not.  For I am removing myself from rudeness and negativity, and even the ones who read what is written seem to troll for writing material in which to then have subject matter to detract.

Am praying, pondering, reflecting, listening, waiting, writing but not yet sharing, and making necessary changes in my mind, heart and spirit--and all that does affect the body.  Might share the insights with the spiritual director, or not.  Will see what he wants to discuss.  Perhaps he will ask of matters, and yes, nothing has in some ways embraced less than nothing.

God bless His Real Presence in you, through His Living Word and all His Sacraments!


  1. Wollte eine Ausnahme machen, und meine Schwester und meinen Schwager zu einem Essen im Garten einladen... danach war ich über eine Woche tief traurig über ... Leere, Negativität und Gottlosigkeit meiner Verwandten... Tränen viele Tränen ...
    Zum ersten Mal in meinem Leben rief ich dannach an, um mitzuteilen, daß es keine Treffen dieser Art mehr geben wird. ...

    Im Grunde meines Herzens ist Frieden in und mit dieser Ent-scheidung.

    Gott schütze Dich !

    Seraphim ... der fast nur noch weint.

  2. I feel your pain and tears within, Seraphim! I'm praying for you, and it is right to needfully encourage the positive and at times necessary to remove ourselves from the negative and banal. Jesus said to offer our peace, but if not accepted, to take it back, shake the dust from our sandals and go to the next town. But that can mean in our situations, to move the others on to their destinations or back to their chosen negativity.

  3. Ernst Jünger schrieb 1945 in sein Tagebuch:
    "-Freunde in der Not gehen tausend auf ein Lot - Ja, aber einer wiegt auch tausend auf. EIN Mensch kann genügen. beliebig viele zu ersetzen; die Zahl ist bedeutungslos. Solche Aussiebungen der Spreu sind in jeder Hinsicht wohltätig."

    Have a peacefull & blessed Weekend



    Kyrie from Hildegard von Bingen

  5. So true, Seraphim! And the music is glorious! Thank you! Hildegarde went through much in her time, despite her great regard now. Perhaps the beautiful musical compositions resulted in her need to elevate all to God, out of the dung of negativity?


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