Still Breathing

Have not written in quite awhile.  Working through soul matters and making life changes, from within.  Plus, the heat and drought have kept the body busy with hooking up soaker hoses, switching rotations so that the gardens can be kept alive as best as possible.  

Some Eastern European conifers could not cope with the above ground heat, so there have been losses.  However, the heat has not been like the past four years, ever before, and who would know that the climate would shift in summer here?

We take what we get.  Some interests and passions have great risks while others do not.  Even the spiritual life, the passion for God, has its risks in temporal effects, that is for sure.  St. Paul says something about that in his epistles.  But the main change within to without is that of removing myself from negativity, as much as is possible.  Removing from unnecessary abuse and rudeness is possible in many regards.

Someone wrote he or she did not comprehend the spiritual state during Mass, and that is not unusual, as my spiritual director has asked me, at least six out of the twelve months we've met, to describe it.  So it has been described, explained, and insights shared from it.  Dr. H. probably got it the closest: in our time, people, especially maybe Catholics in many ways, are less spiritual than 100 years ago.  He reminded me that many if not most are there on Sunday out of obligation, glancing at their watches and minds far away on other matters.

Have faced self, directly, firmly, and admit why I've made time-cost expenditures: when, for what, and mostly for naught.  It has to do with the rudeness, rejections, the disallowing, the ill treatment.  Then would relieve the pain by purchasing "beauty" to plant, or buy another book, or be in bed ill with pain and upset. 'Twas the reaction and effect of negativity, purveying for the past 16 years.  

Even though the devil is behind it--behind the people and situations--the devil is also behind my reactions.  No more purchases as reaction to abuse and negativity.  Am removing myself from negativity other than weekly obligation, and living more and more the hermit life of historic tradition.  Closeness to God is for the asking, and the remaining in His Love.  

Have had amazing and deep insights regarding why the ecstasies happen from Mass beginning through postlude music, and yet have shared little.  One priest was not interested in even listening a few minutes; another did not respond when sent insights via email.  A couple friends listened.  Another who runs RCIA and many other parish tasks said her life is fulfilled with Mass weekly and confession yearly, and this did not affect her being a leader in spiritual matters of the parish.  Okay.

Then another priest did grasp, and yet is working on the mind being opened, the spirit encompassing the fullness of the insights and the entirety of His Real Presence, not His Real Presence being fragmented.  Well, there is much that I've written on these matters, but not here, and will not.  For I am removing myself from rudeness and negativity, and even the ones who read what is written seem to troll for writing material in which to then have subject matter to detract.

Am praying, pondering, reflecting, listening, waiting, writing but not yet sharing, and making necessary changes in my mind, heart and spirit--and all that does affect the body.  Might share the insights with the spiritual director, or not.  Will see what he wants to discuss.  Perhaps he will ask of matters, and yes, nothing has in some ways embraced less than nothing.

God bless His Real Presence in you, through His Living Word and all His Sacraments!