Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Ridding Out Phenomena and Obedience

Another rather personal post, but nothing desires to help others who may encounter similar situations, or not.  For those who do not, but who may wonder or desire such things, perhaps it will help them realize it is not cracked up to what their imaginations envision.  (Maybe it is not proper to write of such matters, but then, it seems helpful in some ways, to others out there or later on.  If not, God will let nothing know, and this post will go into draft mode.)

A phenomena has occurred at each Mass for nearly three years.  Won't go into the details, but it is beautiful in a surreal and profound sense, yet cloaked with much persecution, suspicion, and awkward reactions from others including envy, anger, misunderstanding, mild adulation and/or avoidance.  For the person experiencing such a thing, the inner profundity sustains and supersedes the outer.  However, the outer can experience anguish, including self-doubts and scrutinies.

The spiritual director recently suggested, more pointedly, that we get rid of this thing.  Of course, nothing had tried various ways to have it stop.  The state persists.  Tried other parishes, self-inflicted pain, forcing alertness, putting the mind to other than Mass, staying away awhile.  Beseech the Lord; tell Him the priests and the spiritual director and nothing all want this to be lifted.  Prayer has been tried many times, over and over, before Mass, during the night, by others and by nothing. 

This time he gave stronger directive.  Ask Jesus to lift this so that you can participate normally in Mass and receive Communion under normal circumstances.  This is my direction.  Reminding the spiritual director of on-going prayer for this same end has resulted in nothing changed other than sometimes deeper states.  Remember when this was prayed last summer, even telling Jesus that the director orders this?  The Lord simply said, "This is how I am loving you!"--and the situation continued at every Mass in varying degrees of profundity and depth.

So now the spiritual director suggested nothing try standing in the back of the church.  Walk around if you must.  Nothing tried to explain again what happens to the heart, what happened when a priest had said, "Fight it! Fight it!  Force yourself to stand at least during the Gospel!"  Well, nothing could not.  The force was too powerful, and the heart not able to sustain the body in that state.

Dr. H. was consulted.  He told nothing that no matter what is asked, no matter what happens to the body, God will take care of nothing.  If a heart attack and death, what better place to die than in church and with the soul in that beautiful state?

But after the director insisting that surely nothing could stop this thing from within, to pray and to cooperate with God...surely it would lift,  nothing prayed for courage to do simply what the dear spiritual director requested and suggested.  Nothing somehow found itself praying for the intercessions of St. Joseph of Cupertino.  Not sure why, but he came to mind.  Courage!  Obedience!

The next morning, nothing remained in the back, standing.  Per usual, into the first reading of the Word, the force overpowered and nothing was felled to the floor.  There was not even a chance to try to take a step toward a pew, let alone "walk around a little."  Sprawled across the center aisle, in the back by the doors, nothing remained lifeless until after Mass.  Enough; it does not matter now.

It is not fun to be misunderstood, maligned, helpless to alter or control what happens to the body.  To think, also, that the director did not believe or trust--but that was not the case.  He apologized deeply, and said we will not try anything else other than to pray for God's will.  But yes, he said it is difficult to understand this thing.

These things have nothing to do with the person.  Nothing is wretched, a sinner, nothing special, not exemplary in most aspects.  These things God determines for His own uses and designs.  It is rather random, from the human standpoint; luck of the draw, perhaps--although we can see now that these matters are not fun-and-games. 

At least we know that for one who has feared falling to an extreme, it is not something that can be simply altered from within, or from without.  This is a force beyond mortal control.  Others, not understanding, have previously tried to rouse, move, lift or revive nothing.  The breathing and heart rate are next to nil, they say.

However, there is a point, a message, that nothing has heard deep within, told in some dimension of bliss and love.  It is that the mystery of God, the mystical realm, the spiritual realities, are all around us, among us, now.  And the temporal is always passing away.  The mystical realm is our home for all eternity, and it exists in Christ among us in the present moments of life.  This thing  during Mass is but a reminder, a sign of the supernatural reality of Christ in our midst, the power of the Word of God, and the glory of the Sacrifice of the Mass.

And one must always be obedient, even unto death.

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