Friday, October 1, 2010

Clarity in Present Moments, Seeking Christ

The previous night's reading of Pope Benedict's paper presented in 1981, on the 25th anniversary of Pope Pius XII's encyclical on devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, threaded this day's present moments.
The effect is that of the Holy Father's thoughts and words letting this one rather temporally solitary Catholic know that its soul is on the right path. Always a good sensation to connect with a holy and wise Pope, through his soul's understanding and meaningfully expressed words. He comprehends what is needful, for our souls, our existences: Christ, entering into Christ through the heart. We must surrender to Christ. Return to the heart--our hearts--that we may find Jesus Whose Heart in self-surrender saved the world.

There is more. Promise to write more of the Pope's words (then Cardinal Ratzinger) and of Pius XII's encyclical, some other moment.

But today there are many moments, including the Lord letting me know amidst praying for dying Charles and other serious concerns during Mass, in the continuing "state", that the reason the windows here are streaked is because I've used a "shop towel" that while tough, has some wax type additive. The Lord cares about the details. I'm grateful. Came home after Mass and used regular paper towel. The windows sparkle. Can see clearly now.

And all the more clarity comes in the silence of baking my beloved grandmother's cookie recipe: oatmeal raisin with penuche icing. Praying all the while, praying without words and sometimes with words, mostly prayers of the heart, beating blood prayers and love prayers. And sense prayers of breathing, seeing but not noticing, hearing but not listening, touching but not feeling. Praying all the while.

Then guests, and good conversation. Then something somehow begins to well up and overflow, perhaps when the discussion turns to the Pope's writing about how the Church has lost much of the devotion, the mystical, when the liturgical legalism developed as over-reaction to Vatican II intents and purposes. 

His Holiness expresses it best, so read it. Read it in the second section of his book, Behold the Pierced One. Or try online. Google his name and "The Mystery of Easter: Substance and Foundation of Devotion to the Sacred Heart."

What overflowed from me was the tank and residue tank of thoughts and emotions that probably needed to be emptied on this Feast of St. Therese. Just get it out, down to the last drop. Amazing how some people can grasp what is being expressed and others cannot. So the discussion was difficult, like fleeing for one's life between some who get it and others who do not.

But it is moments like these, when one begins to audibly verbalize what has been written in correspondence to those who read without realizing the life-altering change the words spell out, for it is not their lives altering, but the one behind the words, and words do not express the depth of alteration. They cannot. Printed words cannot convey the intensity of heart and finality, the determination and resolution that was simmering to boiling in the mind and soul's reservoir. 

Verbalizing to oneself  with God, is powerfully essential, but when the words take audible form after having been written, and then audibly received, and when one listener begins to comprehend and the other does not comprehend and instead instigates misunderstanding, the words are no longer hidden idea. They become the decision, the finality of alteration, conversion. Change is no longer considered, but birthed.

What occurs after birth, and after witnesses (one who kind of understands and one who does not) depart, is solitude in God once more. And I remain to ponder and pray, breathing what it truly means, the determined, declarative life-altering change. And God knows, for He is the Creator, and Jesus the Physician, and the Holy Spirit. They birthed the soul anew.

My soul been birthed again, and my life changes in accordance. Thoughts and actions alter, and what else  further cauterized of the temporal, of the soul and many wounds. Through the cauterized wound I enter the Christ's open Wound, and know that in Him is my sure residence.  His Church is there, also, in Him, but not that of which the temporal thinks or sees or seeks in any temporal sense. But His Church, the one in His Sacred Heart--that is the Church His Body that is All, not all that other but what is, in Oneness, mystery.

Nothing will dissuade me or pull me out and back, or down steps if I am even on steps. The Holy Father mentioned the "ladder", and I knew. I comprehended his words written from his ideas, gift of the Holy Spirit, from God. I know of the ladder, the stairway, and all the more am called to climb it, climb into Jesus' Heart where His Church exists in mystery, not other. Love exists through and beyond the other, beyond the cold confusions. To climb is not down, backward, but up, toward.

I recall the morning after the first nightwork verified with tangible proofs. I heard the voice clear as light: Think with your heart. Think with your heart!  Think with your heart!

So I will. So I am now, already. I am ready, Jesus.

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