Thursday, December 30, 2010

Experimenting in the Present Moment

Have been experimenting in the present moment, more out in the world, yet striving to remain in Christ's love.  Besides the humility of recognizing how difficult this is to accomplish, to successful degree, it also can cost in some materially and spiritually.

Today's Mass Scripture from St. John's first letter snatches and shakes the heart. 

"You must not love this passing world or anything that is in the world.  The love of the Father cannot be in any man who loves the world, because nothing the world has to offer--the sensual body, the lustful eye, pride in possessions--could ever come from the Father but only from the world; and the world with all it craves for, is coming to an end; but anyone who does the will of God remains for ever."

Visited the Da today.  Brought him St. Bernard Love of God Bourbon Balls and St. Mark the Ascetic Hermit Peanut-Almond Crunch.  Then pulled out the gift set of O'Donnell's White Chocolate Bourbon Cream and a packet of Irish hard cheddar.  He opened the wrapped gift, a book by Fr. Leen of Ireland, of a time period when the Da was in seminary there.  Da has a story to tell about De Valera, a famous Irish president of the 1930's or so, and De Valera had quite a mystical experience in the presence of the holy Fr. Leen.  All told, the Da's countenance expressed pleasure in the gifts.

We spoke about some ideas floating in the head recently, and admitted took a long vacation from blog writing. Various tasks and some charity, pray so, accomplished.  Hopefully done, all in His love, and with such joy as not previously experienced perhaps since early childhood.

Yet am desiring the outer Nine S' to more coincide with the inner Nine S'.  Seems the inner ones not as sure and steady as would like to boast.  Cannot!  The inner silence, solitude, slowness, suffering, selflessness, simplicity, stability, stillness, and serenity ought surely infuse and overcome the outer challenges.  And in part they do, but seems not fully.  The Nine S' have lately been most solid during sleep!

But this certain idea has surfaced out of desire.  Love to donate, and did some, but the loss of the part-time editing job (as a result of computer automation) is now felt financially in not being able to freely donate.  So went off the budget.  Donated, gifted and spent on gifts for future giving. Spending cannot continue.  Expenditure cannot exceed income.

Is the venture idea, developing in the mind, the world and all it craves?  Is it pulling body, mind, heart and soul off focus?  Even the desire to give beauty and the delight in beauty may be a ruse of the lusting, temporal world. A soul living in Christ in the present moment must desire, delight and give truth, beauty and goodness that reigns authentically, lovingly, in the God-created world.

So am praying.  Am praying to be in the truth, beauty and goodness world of God and all He creates.  Am praying to have authentic, holy motives in all and in everything.  Am praying, pondering.

Am praying about the idea, the enterprise.  Someone in a quality-item clearance store  mentioned "The Prayer of Jabez".  Remember that?  An author twisted theology out of context in a verse from the Old Testament, and made a fortune selling his books and workshops on a "wealth and prosperity" notion.  The person telling me said to pray a certain thing and God will bless me with what I want.   

But I don't want that.  I want what God wants to give me or not give me, and what He wills, which could be nothing, or something, or that which I've considered or not.

What if God does not want me writing and developing this idea into the venture?  To remain in His love is to be in His will, and to be in His will is to remain in His love.  And the temporal world can be harsh on remaining in Christ's love and will.  Must learn to remain, strong and true.  Persevere!

After tasks in the busy world, one must settle back into earthly hearth and home, His heart.  Hibernate, pray, rest, and listen to the Lord not only in the dreams that sparkle in the new fallen snow, but pay attention to the dreams at night when He reminds of giving and using the inner gifts.

In our visit, the Da admitted he is miserly.  I admitted perhaps I ought to be.  He said he thought when I was developing the gardens that I was going overboard.  I said it is the price of a new, costly car, for sure...but the gardens are alive and beautiful, and my old, used car is not.  Then the Da said how beautiful are our churches, as are shrines and monasteries.  God desires and wills us to love beauty and enjoy beautiful things--but motivated through, with and in His love. 

The Da eyed his simple sofa table now laden with the celebratory gifts brought him, and said he surely loves the delicacies of our Holy Mother of God repast!

Home again, have no answers yet.  Am exhausted with another batch of St. Bernard Love of God Bourbon Balls to make and gift, but not tonight.  To bed to pray, to sleep, to receive dreams.  No answers yet as to part-time job, what, or if, or of writing what, other than living in Christ in the present moment, living Christ!  There is such joy living in Christ!  

There will be answers from God.  More austere, less world, or more world but with inner solidity in His love.  However ways the Lord can use us, it must be for sure His ways, His truth, His beauty and goodness of His created world.  And we are not perfectly capable so experiment, and try, and hope and pray, and He is merciful.

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