Monday, January 24, 2011
Could Spend the Rest of One's Life...
...learning to live in the Order of the Present Moment and trying to remain in Christ's love. Yes, am on the stairway to heaven now, the soul is on it, but the challenges continue as ever, to remaining in His love. Am realizing this is how it will be until bodily death and release of the soul. Practice and pray for graces, such as to learn to love to learn to love.
Am on a physical venture, visiting loved ones. Arduous for the body that suffers constantly, much pain. However, am praying and managing and thoroughly loving the visit.
Yesterday a son-in-law set up some tech aspects for the idea venture that the spiritual director gave the go-ahead at our last appointment. This idea venture is going to take much thought and prayer and effort, much focus and intonation of soul and mind with God's will and my angel's promptings. It is partly a financial venture; must generate some income.
Then the spiritual director asked me to inquire about teaching religious education at the parish, or teach anything. Oh yes, he thinks I would do so well and should be utilized by the Church! But I knew what the response would be, and sure enough, it was another suffocation.
By now, it should not affect me, but somehow many rude and painful encounters of the past with various Catholics and attempts by me to help, to serve, to offer, flooded into the memory. How difficult to remain in Christ's love when the memories are repeated crucifixions! Yet that is exactly when His love should peak in fruition. Yet, too, there is a good in reaction, and how to react: What is God expressing over and over?
It is to be close to Him, to remain within His Sacred Heart, to learn as the years hence vision made clear: learn to hibernate like a bear in order to be protected from the world. And the world may be others, even Catholic others, who are steeped in the temporal Catholic world in ways that are very much the world of envies, control, suspicions, fears, and banalities. It can be hard-baked, desert soil. So why send roots over into that impenetrable ground? Rather, remain in His Heart, alone and ensconced in His warmth, love, and Divine mystery.
Prayer is what they want, and that is easy enough. No possessions, no personality, no presence, no personhood, but give prayer. One can pray any time, any place, at no financial, emotional, mental or physical expenditure. So each morning I pray: Dear God, please help our beloved Holy Catholic Church.
Then one remains the rest of God's time praising and being in protected presentiment of His love. Learn to hibernate to have protection from the world, and love...to learn to love.
The memories that crashed upon the flexible walls of my mind, heart and spirit, have now stilled. I have prayed for the various persons who revisited my thoughts. I vented some, too. Since anger cannot remain in His love, it transformed into firm resolve to abide by the message: You must learn to hibernate like a bear in order to be protected from the world. Once the resolve jells into positive outcomes, the frustration and painful memories become gifts. The foundation is laid, and the courage buttressed.
The love waxes, not wanes. Like a misfit child unacceptable to the public or parochial school, I accept God homeschooling me in His Heart. We will go with this flow for now.